Thinking about Andrea Yates
Barbara Wiedemann

I
What made her do it?
Fill the bathtub
and drown her five children
Luke Paul John
then six-month-old Mary
and finally Noah at seven the oldest
who tried
but couldn’t escape.
What finally pushed her over the edge
on that June day in Houston?

II
I think back to my daughter’s birth
thirty some years ago--
the water breaking in the evening about nine
the drive to the hospital
the convulsive pain
the wait for the doctor
the admonishment of the nurse--
"Don’t push," she commands--
then the spinal
feet and legs up
a mirror positioned
and her head shows
a cut to avoid tearing
and it’s over by one in the morning.
She’s placed on my chest,
her warmth her weight--
a baby.

III
When did it happen
that I began to love her?
Certainly not at first
when all she did was need
and her needs engulfed me.
When did it happen?

Maybe when she could crawl,
perhaps at her first words,
but definitely by two
when she was suddenly a person
active curious intense loving.
When did it happen
that I would willingly die for her?

IV
And as for Andrea Yates
perhaps it would be better
if she never recovered.
Perhaps it would be kinder
to impose the death penalty.

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